an illusion of hope (2007)

we are all on a boat, heading down the spiral

I am told to live my life right, the boat keeps drifing by, and we’re all it,

I am told to do, I am not to expect, I am told…

the boat keeps moving, they say it will keep us from the worst of the world,

without need, yet unsatisfied, we drift quietly, our iminent destination so close, and yet so far,

“I just wanna” I stop and think, maybe this feeling is not a want, it feels like a yearning, but it’s a feeling deep withing my stomach, and I don’t know what to do.

I look around, everyone in the boat looks at the horizon, no one makes eye contact, eveyone with an indifferent look…

mother says we’re not the fortunate ones,

another sunset sends its rays out

dark orange is our world, no sound save the sound of screeching wood

the feeling in me turns in to hope, a hope that somewhere ahead there is what I’ve searched for, to not want, to feel justified, where it’s all right, where it’s all okay

as soon as it came it faded, and back to my natural state, I fall in full knowledge of our iminent doom, our world limited by the borders of the boat, and all the while clearing my head and telling myself keep moving forward

who would have thought it would be so hard, to do without a reason, to move without purpose, to strive without a goal

tied in a whrill of comfusion, we travel on, our destinies so interwined, that they tie us in such a way that none will ever be reached

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Carlos

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