Mythologies as Mirrors

Often when I visit Oregon, there is a giant book on world mythologies that I borrow from my brother in law entitled “Mythology: The Illustrated Anthology of World Myth & Storytelling” edited by C. Scott Littleton. There is one line on the book that struck me: “…myths represent the heritage of the world’s imagination.” If we personify the world as having a collective imagination, and make mythology synonymous with that concept, then I think we can also say that mythologies are allusions to the collective subconscious. Stories of Odin’s self-discipline and sacrifice on the World Tree, or Rhea deceiving Cronus by handing him a stone wrapped in blankets to save baby Zeus, appeal to the multi-faceted traits of human nature. Through those stories, we can discover so much about human psychology and values, both the flaws and the virtues that permeate the actions and intentions of the collective and of the individual. So long as people are around to echo the traditional mythologies, or develop new ones, myths will continue to be an ornate reflection of humanity itself.

The Two Worlds of Bilingualism

     The first phrase of English I was ever taught was “I don’t speak English.” I was trained to say that in my first visit to the United States when I was 6 years old, when I was on my way to meet my first niece. At some time, my family decided that I should be raised in the United States, so that’s when that phrase became a first step to second language learning more than just a tourist survival tool.
Today, native speakers of English are surprised when I say English is not my first language. “You speak perfect English. You don’t even have an accent,” they say. “It’s still there, it’s just very subtle and hard to pick up, but it’s still there,” I respond.
     The time space between being a Spanish speaking child to becoming an English speaking adult is my experience of bilingualism, of the careful balance between two worlds: the Spanish speaking world of the family, and the English speaking world of the country.
     As a kid, the first challenge was to face the anger of people who could not understand me and that I could not understand. In elementary school, substitute teachers that did not speak Spanish would yell at me when I couldn’t follow their directions. A lunch lady threw my food away because I couldn’t give her an explanation of why I forgot my meal ticket. A teacher scoffed at me when I tried to explain that when I get migraine headaches, I can’t think well, and can’t do my homework. Also, back in the Spanish speaking world of the family I often had to be the translator, since I was often the only one available who spoke a little bit of English. When I tried ordering pizza for them, the restaurant would often hang up. When I tried ordering fast food for them in person, they would often get upset with me for getting the order wrong.
     I was told that my mission was to learn English, and so I did, but the process entailed much more than just that. I had to open my mind to different cultures and ways of seeing things. Whereas before in Mexico, I could easily see what my role was in relation to society, easily consume the popular mindsets, the religion, the traditions, the expectations, the United States was able to destroy my sense of stability and forced my eyes to adjust to the glaring light of alternative cultures, viewpoints, expectations, and mindsets.
     When I was 10, I got to briefly visit Mexico, and found a tremendous amount of relief from the challenge of learning English. I could navigate the world with Spanish alone, a language I already knew, with people I already knew. Walking down the street to the local grocery store, even the cashier remembered who I was. I was extremely happy with that linguistic and cultural environment, that I begged to stay. I promised that I would do well in school, that I would never change my mind about staying. But I was given no choice, I had to go back to the United States. The last day when I had to say goodbye to my grandparents, I promised that I would see them again. They passed away before I ever did.
Back in the United States, I quickly realized that the process of becoming bilingual was not just a matter of learning a language, but about immersing into a culture. The culture and the language could not be separated. The clichés, the proverbs, the catchphrases of American English are intertwined with an American mindset, just like the popular Spanish sayings in Latino culture are interwoven with the heritage of Latin America.
     My first three grades of elementary happened under bilingual education. Instruction was initially in Spanish and as the grades progressed, more and more English was incorporated into the lessons, until the classes became exclusively in English. Every grade I moved up, the more dread I felt. I was afraid of being in a class where only English was spoken. I was afraid of not understanding, and not being understood.
     Little did I know, Spanish became a tool of English acquisition. The “fancy words” of English often have a Latin root, which made me recognize them since they were similar to Spanish words. My academic English vocabulary expanded very quick because of that mnemonic. I also memorized words that were hard to spell by sounding them out in Spanish. Since Spanish has a strong orthographic/verbal correlation (words are spelled the way they sound), I was able to sound out hard-to-spell English words and memorize them. As my English writing skills improved, my English pronunciation improved just a few years later.
     I could never really understand the argument against bilingual education, since I benefited tremendously from it. A news camera crew visited my classroom in 4th grade and interviewed some of my classmates to see if bilingual education was worth it. A friend told me that he saw me on the news a few days later. Eventually, California voters opted to get rid of it.
California voters back them opted to push against the threat of words, of a language, of a culture. That was their way of shifting the balance between two worlds that bilingualism entails.
     As for me, to this day, I still carry the delicate balance of two discourse communities. The popular compromise of many is to use self-determination to promote Chicano-ism and Spanglish. Very often friends who were born in the U.S. will throw me a Spanish word or two with the aim of cultural appeal and bonding. Very often I hear Chicanos say that they belong to neither the United States nor Mexico, since their way of speaking does not let them fit into either. It’s an identity crisis that I can understand very well, but do not relate to it. I am a guest in this country and not a member of it, almost like an extended tourist. I already have the citizenship of one country and will not demand the citizenship of another. I already have a mother tongue and will not mix it with another as much as I can help it. The Chicano community can have my love and support, but never my membership.
     With that said, I treasure the value of knowing two languages. To be bilingual is to speak two languages, and to live in two worlds. Your realm of possibilities expands because you belong to different discourse communities and can navigate them with ease. In the expanded availability of media you can note a richness in the shades of meaning that you would not perceive otherwise. To be bilingual is to carry the legacy of two civilizations with you at all times.
That’s why as I look back at the tremendous challenges I went through to learn English, I have to see the struggle with a lense of appreciation. The empowerment I gained through language learning is something no one can take away. If I channel it properly, it will be my tool to travel the world and teach English in different nations, beginning and ending with the one that brought me to the world.

On Anxiety and Depression, Peace and Happiness

I have seen many people post lately about their struggles with anxiety and depression, which is unfortunately a very common phenomenon, and seems to be on the rise. I wish it were only me with those challenges, and the rest of the world to be in a state of perennial well-being, yet so long as the topic is relatable, I want to share my views on it. My goal is not to offer remedies or advice, but only a sense of what I’ve come to know in regards to those things and ways to deal with them.
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Anxiety is a fear, nervousness, or dread for what the future might hold. It is negative anticipation. It is not only in the mind, since it has physiological symptoms. It can lead to health problems.
Depression is a sadness that zaps motivation from the individual. It is not enough to suggest a change of thinking or routine to the depressed person, since the melancholy lingers over the thoughts and actions of the individual. Depression can be said to originate in the past, in a sense, a lingering of unhappy memories and emotions. It can also be caused by a medical chemical imbalance of serotonin.
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When both depression and anxiety are present, a person feels dread at an anticipated fear, but feels very unmotivated to take action about it. Depression and anxiety are parasites that can make even the wealthiest person feel that he or she is in a living hell.
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On the other side of the coin are peace and happiness.
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Peace is an awareness of consciousness beyond thoughts and feelings, people and things. It is a paradoxical detachment that ends up with one feeling more connected everything. Peace does not ignore the problems of the world or the individual, but simply sees them from a centered state. Peace is to find comfort in one’s own skin, and to navigate life from a standpoint of equipoise. Peace is not just to be calm, but to perceive the pain of life as a faint echo in the totality of the oneness of the world. A person may be at peace yet not smile, but the sense of peace in palatable to those around the peaceful person. Peace can be induced, but sometimes it can come as a pleasant surprise. In the concept of “satori,” or brief moments of enlightenment, one feels peace for absolutely no reason. It is hard to describe, but it is a feeling that makes life and everything in it worth it, and can never be bought or sold, but is a random flash of contentment.
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Happiness is a joy that is a byproduct of gratitude, gratitude to what one has and is, and gratitude to what others have and are. It is not unusual to find a humble, poor person who is very happy, and then to find a CEO enflamed with dissatisfaction and greed. The opposite can be true as well. Happiness is a birthright to everyone, and is inherent in one’s nature. It is the ultimate goal and pursuit. People search for it in relationships, money, power, nature, art, hobbies, intoxicants, knowledge, and other endless things that sooner or later end up falling short of bringing lasting or true happiness. I have come to believe the statement that I hated in my youth, since it didn’t make sense back then, but there is no other way to put it: happiness is inside you.
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In regards to dealing with anxiety and depression, one thing I have found to be effective, and which I have read in The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle, is to face the feelings of anxiety and depression. The feelings they evoke linger in the body, and to give them attention is to make them subside. By attention, I do not mean thinking about them, but rather to feel it. The common mistake we all make is to think about the sadness and looking for people and situations to blame. This usually makes things worse, as the mind can bring forth resentment towards oneself and/or others for what one thinks is the cause of one’s suffering. On the other hand, when you allow yourself to feel the emotions in your body, without adding thoughts to them, you burn them out little by little. You allow them to be expressed through attention, and sooner or later you find that you don’t feel as bad as you used to. A sense of relief slowly starts to creep in, and you find yourself more aware of your surroundings as your inner suffering is no longer distracting you as much. You find yourself with more energy, motivation, and drive to move forward.
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In regards to peace and happiness, I realize that nothing and no one in the world can give that to you until you find it in yourself first. No one can really tell you what those things are, since you know them by first hand experience, and that is the only to recognize it. This means that they are states felt deep within one’s being, and hence, can be found inside. By reading Inner and Outer Peace Through Mediation by Sant Rajinder Singh Ji Maharaj, I have come to believe that mediation is the only way to find the type of peace and happiness that can’t be found by perennially chasing the things and experiences of the world.
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My account of anxiety, depression, peace, and happiness is continually evolving, as I’m sure so is that of you, the reader. I will not end this note with a call to action, but rather with an acknowledgement of what we as humanity share together, the journey towards our place in the world.

The Labyrinth

We continue to travel through a maze that has no end,

Sometimes turning left or right but never going back,

Towards a goal we feel deep down inside,

But that our eyes have never met,

No amount of fatigue weighs heavily enough to slow us down,

As our footsteps echo off the walls of the labyrinth.

Ode to Darkness

When the cacophony of the mundane hushes,

And the lights that overwhelm your eyes cease to be perceived,

And the mind is no longer burdened by its own creations,

You are welcomed by profound darkness,

Embraced by its serenity,

And soothed by the echoes that fade slowly into the distance,

The faint residue of a world left behind.

 

 

Change your Mind, Change your Life

My vision is set,

It is clear and still the same.

There was a time when you saw it, too.

And described its beauty with clarity.

But if your eye has shifted,

And no longer sees it also,

Then you and I will walk on different paths,

Going towards different visions.

I enjoyed hearing your footsteps so far

As we stepped towards a longed-for journey.

But our minds,

Like our lives,

Are our own dominion,

In which we choose our destination,

And forge our destiny.

I despise yet celebrate your impulse

To perennially chase the brightest thing that glitters,

And let your passion carry you to new experiences and crossroads,

Even if it leads you far away from me.

There will always be room for one more in my path,

If you ever decide to regroup.

As for me,

I must keep moving forward,

Towards a goal that has been waiting far too long.

 

Insincere Love

Insincere love is the predominant element

Between those two.

Greater than earth, wind, water, fire,

The love with insincerity inundates their company,

And as the days turn to months,

The two forget their insincerity,

And leave it behind as they walk against the wind,

Into the horizon…

Being nothing-

But in sincere love.

Sign Posts

When the sign posts show you are going the wrong way,

The hills incline upwards against your journey,

And the wind pushes you away along your path,

You know that the world has conspired to hold you back.

But your goal is not optional,

Your vision is too clear,

Your dream is too lucid,

And your faith is too strong,

To be stopped.

You made a commitment to yourself,

That you would see it all through,

And even if you yourself want to quit,

Your word will happen.

The Beloved Thief

If someone steals some money from you,

You can earn it back.

And even if your ideas are stolen,

More come forth from the wellspring of the mind.

But if your heart is stolen,

How can you ever get it back?

If your heart is broken,

How can it ever be healed?

Ironically…

We hate it when our things are taken away,

But we love it when our heart is stolen by another,

Even if it breaks in the process.